The Munchkin Files

Grocery shopping with the munchkins is always a venture into the unexpected.  You never quite know what's going to happen.

One might be stopped by a lovely grandparent-ly couple who address the cute, curly-headed boy riding in the front of the cart:

Woman: My aren't you cute!  Are you too shy to talk?
Me: M1, can you say "hi?"
M1 (grabbing my pharmacy purchase and proudly holding it up for display): Miralax!

Or M1 may express his fascination with analog clocks by pointing out every item in the store with a dial:

"That's a scale.  That's a clock.  That's a scale.  That's a clock."
And that's Mommy's head exploding.  Don't worry, she's not using it much these days.

Sometimes, M1 even tries to drop canned goods onto his sister, who is sitting in her carseat in the main area of the cart.  He probably figures she would enjoy shaking the cans as much as he does.

And there is always the popular game show: Name that Produce:

Me: Do you know what this is?
M1 (after a thoughtful pause): Gwapefwuit!
Me: No, that's a lemon.

Me: Do you know what this is?
M1 : It has an apple.
Me: No, but it is a fruit.
M1: It has a fwuit.
Me: It is a fruit.  It's a mango.
M1: Mango!
Me: That's ri - No! Don't eat it!

And he nearly always starts the same mantra nonstop when we start checking out:

"Have a good day!  Have a good day!"

I had to cut M1's toenails today. As I'm sitting bent over his feet in my lap, he starts playing with my hair.  Then with my ear.  I didn't think too much of it until he said, "That's a big ear!"

All I can think of at this point (up until he tries to stick his finger in my "big" ear) is a parody of a line from The Bob Newhart Show:

Mommy, Mommy, ears so wide

Look like pancakes side-by-side!

 But at least it's better than the time he started patting my chin and saying, "Beard.  Mommy beard."  In the months since that episode, we've taught him useful concepts like "Mommy doesn't have a beard" (though every so often he reverts).  Some days not an hour will go by without an observation like "Daddy has a beard," "Mommy doesn't have a beard," "M2 doesn't have a beard," "Papa has a beard," "Nana doesn't have a beard," or even, "Kitty doesn't have a beard."

As tiring as that gets, I am only thankful that his first foray into sexual dimorphism was so G-rated.